12 years I shall love you
by Sonea27
Summary: They'd had 12 years for love, 12 years to enjoy their life together, 12 years to make it right. First fanfic in English! Please be kind with me.
1. Mourning

**Author's note: **Big THANKS to Misery Loves Sarah who was so kind to be my beta :) As me being German I still have some problems to write correct English. And I also wanted to thank Cabinet of curiosities who's work inspired me a lot ;)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters!

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><p><strong>12 years I shall love you<strong>

"Mum?"

It was a small voice, barely understandable. She didn't turn, didn't pay attention. All she saw was the gravestone before her, and she began to realize slowly what it meant. Tears were streaming down her face and mixing with the rain pouring from the dark sky. Her clothes were soaking-wet but she didn't care. She neither felt the coldness of the night nor the hurt caused from the sharp stones she was kneeling at. All she could fell was the pain and loneliness in her heart. He was gone. Forever. Finally...

There had been a time were she'd have felt relieved, knowing him dead, would have felt safe. But not anymore. Not after the last 12 years...

"Mum, we should go now."

She knew this voice but couldn't think clearly. She tried to remember the owner, to find something to turn her attention away from her dark thoughts. But all she was able to do was stare at the blurred image in front of her. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. Why did everything come to an end? Why couldn't she be happy? Why did it always end this way? Why? A sob escaped her throat and she began once more to shudder uncontrollably.

"Mum, it will only get worse if you kneel here any longer!" A male voice. Full of desperation.

"Please, let's go."

The last words were only a whisper, pleading with her for a reason she couldn't quite grasp. Suddenly, she was pulled back from the grave and someone placed one arm around her so she could walk. But she didn't want to go, not yet, not ever. Why? It was not worth the effort to go back. There would just be more pain. And she really couldn't do this any longer. All of sudden, her strength and optimism were gone . As the pulling on her arm became stronger she fought back and pushed the other person hard causing him to wince.

"No mum. He won't come back if you freeze to death here . He wouldn't want this. Mum!"

The boy had raised his voice, but his words became lower and were infused with desperation and sadness the more he spoke. He was young, not older than twelve. The shaggy dark hair stuck to his face, his clothes were as wet as hers. He tried to pull her up once more but didn't succeed.

"Let it be..."

She turned and could see tears flowing down the cheeks of the black-haired boy, soaking his collar and leaving streams at his face. His blue eyes painfully similar to others she had gazed into. She knew him.

"James?"

It had cost all of her strength to speak and she didn't manage to pull away as her son made an attempt at getting her up a third time. Eventually she surrendered and he raised her from the ground. James hugged and held her in a wide embrace, his eyes still wet and red.

"It's going to be okay, Mum. We have to let it go, let him go..." He whispered quietly and soothing into her ear.

"I can't..."

"But you must. There is no other choice. The Sanctuary needs you. We need you...I need you."

The boy's voice wavered, full of grief. James was reluctant to let go of his pain as well. But he believed in his words, there was no other choice.

"Why is life always so cruel to me?"

Helen knew she wouldn't get an answer. So, she just continued to cry into her child's shoulder. Both mother and son mourning their loss at the small cemetery of the Old City Sanctuary. For one it had been the soul mate, for the other the father.

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><p>I'm already working on a second chapter but I don't have much time and therefore won't be able do update regularly. Let me know if you like it ;)<p> 


	2. Meeting

**A/N: **And again Misery Loves Sarah helped me a lot! Thank you :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, Sanctuary is not from me...

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><p><em><strong>12 years earlier<strong>_

Helen crossed the wide lobby and entered the ball room. Her long blue dress swept the ground lightly with every step she took and covered her long legs with smooth fabric. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in soft curls. Earrings and a light touch of make-up completed her outfit for this evening.

The event was a ball for a chosen group of people in Berlin. The organizer, a good friend of Helens, had invited her because of the rich and powerful people she might find here to support her projects and facilities. She really needed the help, especially since the incident with the hollow earth abnormals three years ago and the new conflict threatening her Sanctuary network.

Despite that, Helen hoped to be able to relax a little, even if it was just for two hours. She'd had a lot to handle recently. Henry and Erika's two year old son had shown signs of his parents' gift and Will and Abby were going on their honeymoon very soon. Therefore, with Will and Henry off the job, Helen was forced to find a substitute for them.

Suddenly, somebody tapped her on the shoulder and pulled her from her thoughts. Startled, Helen jumped as if she had done something wrong.

"If you continue to just stand here you'll miss a great party, darling" a teasing voice informed her. Helen turned and found herself face to face with a middle-aged man. His brown hair was cut short and his green eyes looked at her sheepishly.

"Robert, how good to see you. How can you be sure I'm missing it? Perhaps I'm waiting for somebody," she asked him, a cheeky smile on her face. Robert's eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

"Oh, it seemed like you were rather lost in your thoughts. But if you're already occupied I shall not bother you any longer." He looked at her with a questioning look, waiting for her to turn him down.

"You know, Robert." Helen said, an amused smile crossing her futures. "If you want to dance with me you just have to ask. I'd drop every man for you." Grinning she took his arm and let him lead her to the dance floor.

"Ah, my love, you should know I'm not a man of many words." They took positions and he began to lead her through the steps. Dancing was one way to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted by others.

"By the way, how do you like my little party?" Robert asked her curiously.

"It's lovely. And thank you for the invitation, gave me an excuse to go out."

"You work too much, my dear!" He shook his head to underline his opinion. "I'd have gone crazy a long time ago if I were you."

"Luckily, you aren't. And it's not as bad as you might think." Turning her gaze away from him she signaled for him to drop the topic.

They'd known each other for some time now and Robert was smart enough to let it be. Even though they were good friends he wasn't familiar enough with her work. She'd first met him eight years ago at a party of her friend Jane. One year later, Robert and Jane had married and he had been working with her since then. He had connected Helen with the right people.

Robert was a quiet and kind guy. He worked as an agent in Europe and organized different things for different people. Throughout the years their meetings had become more rare, but despite Helen's lack of time she had kept contact with the two of them by phone. Only three weeks ago she had spoken to Jane who was nearly four months pregnant.

"How is Jane doing?" Helen asked to break the tension between them. "Last time I spoke to her she told me about the ultrasound you were going to do."

"Yeah, she was so excited to know the gender of the baby she was like a child herself." He chuckled at the memory and looked at her happily. "We are going to have a beautiful daughter!"

"Oh, that's great. Congratulations!" They continued to dance, but Helen was thinking about Henry's son and Robert's soon to be daughter and soon her thoughts drifted back to Ashley.

Silence had fallen around them as they danced across the floor. The big ball room was full now, crowded by people in suits and dresses. The music changed and Robert lead her back to the edge of the hall.

"Would you like something to drink, darling?" Robert asked, turning back to her.

Helen who hadn't eaten anything since that morning felt the emptiness of her stomach at Robert's mention of drinks.

"Could you get us something to eat as well? I've grown very hungry." Robert only nodded in agreement and went seek out refreshments.

Helen, alone again, let her gaze wander over the crowd of people. She hoped to recognize one of them but none of the faces seemed familiar to her. Helen tried to focus at the conversations going on around her but everything was a chorus of loud voices, clinking of glass and music to which many couples still danced.

As a waitress passed her, Helen grabbed a glass of champagne and sipped from it. After more than seven minutes waiting, Helen grew impatient and began to look for Robert. She sighted him merely a few minutes later while he was standing in a very long queue near the counter. 'Great, that will take a while'. Sighing, Helen finished her drink and turned her attention back to the crowd.

She let her gaze once again wander over faces and clothes of men and women alike, but didn't recognized anyone. As Helen decided to give up and go to Robert a tall and handsome man caught her eye. Immediately her heart skipped a beat. Her breathing began to grow more rapid as her brain processed what this could mean.

That was impossible!

Slowly, very slowly, Helen took a few steps towards the man and stopped abruptly as he turned. She just starred at him, not making any move or sound.

Everything around her became unimportant and her gaze focused only at this one man who was surrounded by a group of black suited men. She didn't even hear the sound of her glass breaking on the floor when it slipped through her fingers.


	3. Dancing

**A/N: **Thanks to Misery Loves Sarah and Fell4 who corrected my mistakes and made it more comfortable to read. I owe you something ;)

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><p>She hadn't heard from him in over four years. Time had passed by and Helen hadn't known if he was alive or not. The Sanctuary Network had kept her busy; there was never enough time to look for him. A small part of her had screamed for her to seek him out, to make sure he was breathing, but the other part, the sane part, the rational part of her mind had told her to forget him. It would save her from a lot of pain and emotional wreckage.<p>

And so the struggle in her head continued. The fear of finding him dead had finally won, even if she never stopped thinking about him. More than once she had lain alone in her bed, tears in her eyes and loneliness in her heart. But now she was standing here and looking into his beautiful blue eyes. He stared back and Helen could tell from his face he was as surprised as she was.

Relief washed over her and made her dizzy. The world narrowed down to only the two of them as he hesitantly crossed the space between them. Helen had to keep her wits to stop herself from embracing him or slapping him…hard. She was willing to do both. After what seemed like an eternity Helen finally broke the silence between them.

"What are you doing here?" Much to her annoyance it didn't come out as angry as she had intended. To Helen the words sounded rather astonished and weak. He didn't need to know that she'd missed him. Quickly, Helen let a mask fall over her features to hide her true feelings.

John, who didn't miss Helen's change of expression, gave her a sad smile in return. "Am I not allowed to go where I want to? If it calms you down, I'm working here as a bodyguard. It's a good way to make money, plus I can use my abilities as a fighter."

Helen was surprised at the friendly tone of his voice. Unlike the last time she'd seen him, his whole body language radiated calmness. Her mind had been paralyzed from the relief of seeing him alive, so she hadn't given any attention to his clothing. Now, after he'd mentioned it Helen looked closer. John wore a black suit and matching black shoes. From the neckline to his right ear was a small communication device attached to receive orders. Under the fabric of his jacket Helen was able to make out a gun with a matching holster.

"Since when do you use a gun?" Helen hadn't intended to ask him that. 'Stupid question, Helen, stupid' she thought to herself while biting her tongue. She had thought him dead and had agonized between love and hate for him. But now, now she was seeing him again after four years and all she could come up with was asking him why he used a gun?

As Helen raised her gaze she could see John chuckle softly. Helen's stomach began to flutter at the sound. Why, she didn't want to think about. Still smiling he responded: "Perhaps I've changed my habits. Perhaps I just wear it for a ruse. But anyway, they expect me to carry it."

Helen just nodded in agreement and tried to look everywhere but John. Why wasn't she frightened? Why didn't she feel angry at him anymore? She shouldn't feel comfortable and, above all, shouldn't trust him. But something in his eyes, in his voice and his face, told her he wasn't dangerous. Truth be told he looked more like a nervous boy than a killer right now.

John nervously fumbled with his hands while he waited for Helen to regain her senses, to slap him and run away like he'd expected her to do since seeing her. When nothing happened he spoke instead: "What are you doing here? Are you meeting someone?"

Startled, Helen focused on his face again and thought about what she could expose. Finally, she decided to tell him of the problems they had to deal with since Hollow Earth.

John just looked at her. The way she used her hands to underline what she said. Her smile which he'd thought to never see again, not for him. Her blue eyes shimmering like crystals. And her dress, breathtaking. The dark-blue fabric complemented her hair and eyes just perfectly, making her look like an angel. Oh, how much he wanted to touch her, to tell her how beautiful she was.

'Wake up!' He mentally slapped himself. He was not her lover. She wouldn't even accept him as a friend. Her message in Hollow Earth had been clear. She didn't want him near the Sanctuary, near her. 'When this is done I never want to see you again!' These words had hurt, deeply. But he would never let it show. Therefore he had stayed away from her, even though it had been hard. And now, dammit, now he could feel the walls he had built around him falling down like a house of carts.

The whole time Helen didn't take her eyes off of him but instead memorized his features. She wanted to make sure he wasn't an illusion, a trick of her mind. He had hair now. It framed his face with dark-brown strands. His eyes were as blue as she remembered them. Suddenly she became aware of her surroundings again. Light music reached her ears and she couldn't stop the words from coming out.

"Shall we dance?" John stared at her, surprised. He'd expected something to happen, had prepared himself for the worst, but her request to dance with him caught him off guard. Was she playing with him? Helen knew his feelings and what this meant to him. Perhaps she would finally slap him when they were on the dance floor and tell him how stupid he was, thinking something had changed, but there was still hope in his heart. 'Maybe she doesn't hate you anymore' a voice in his head remarked. 'This could be your second chance!' Finally John took her hand full of hope this wasn't some game of hers, her revenge.

Helen couldn't believe what she'd just asked. What was she thinking? He wasn't good for her, had proven it many times. So, what was she doing right now? Her line of thought was cut off all of sudden as John took her hand. His touch unleashed a tingling feeling starting at her hand and spreading through her whole body. It made her change her mind. Why not? It was just a dance, right? They would just talk and everything would be fine.

He led her to the dance floor, into the crowd of dancing couples. Finally, they stopped and Helen laid her slightly shaking hand on his shoulder and brought herself into position once again. When John didn't do the same she looked up, confused, and was surprised to see unsteadiness in his eyes. She gave him an encouraging smile to let him know he could continue.

As John saw her giving him a warm smile he let out a shaky breath he didn't even know he was holding. So far so good. Slowly John placed his hand at her back and they began to move to the music. As they danced, everything disappeared, leaving nothing but the woman in front of him. John stared at Helen and just enjoyed being near her, dancing. It felt too good to be true. He didn't want to think about the consequences, about what would happen when the music stopped.

A bubble had formed around them and shielded them from the rest of the world. They both new, somewhere deep down, that even the smallest interruption and the bubble would burst. As the music slipped into a slower tempo, a romantic atmosphere was formed around them and Helen could feel control slipping away from her. The song was one of her favorites, a slow standard. She and John had often danced to it when they had been alone. Just hearing this song brought back all the memories Helen had locked away in her heart.

But instead of stopping, and she knew she should, Helen slowly closed the space between the two of them and laid her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes as she laid her head on his chest. Consumed by a powerful feeling she could hear John sighing and felt him pressing her against him.

Helen let herself get lost in John's arms. Her mind had gone silent and her heart had taken control now. She couldn't even remember why this was wrong. It felt far too good. In John's arms she could forget the stress, the loneliness and the pain, from losing not only Ashley, but him as well. She forgot their dramatic past, the pain about the death of friends she had lost and her anxious of being alone one day. He seemed to take the weight of responsibility off her shoulders which pushed her down every day. She leaned in closer and exhaled his scent, surprised about the familiarity. She could feel his glance on her and smiled to herself like a child. He was warm and Helen felt safe. Why did it feel so right being in his arms?

Suddenly the loud noise of a tablet falling to the ground and the following swear of one of the waitresses made her jump in surprise. The spell over them broke as she raised her head from his chest and the reality crashed down at her. Her mind took control again while her heart began to lock itself away once more. A place where it was safe and couldn't be hurt by anyone. Helen jerked away from John, pushing him back harshly. She looked up and saw the hurt and sadness in John's eyes. Almost like he was again the man she...'No, people like him don't change.' Her emotions running high, she tried to convince herself of this fact.

But the truth was, Helen didn't want to accept how much she needed this man. How weak she was when it came to him, how vulnerable. Even after just a few minutes of dancing being divided from him again was hard. What would happen if she would let him into her heart and he turned violent and disappeared again? Could she stand the hurt?

John knew it was over as he felt her jerk away from him; like he was toxic. He continued to stay where he was and looked at her, waiting for a reaction. He'd known somewhere deep down it was only been a matter of time before she woke up. Despite that, John had hoped otherwise. Her face was now hard without any emotion. He could feel it now, could feel the desperation flood his mind.

"I'm sorry, this was a mistake!" Helen was surprised at how steady and cold her voice sounded. She had to go, had to put some space between them or she'd change her mind eventually. And she couldn't do that. She wasn't so weak to fell back in his arms now. No! She had to be strong. She couldn't take the risk of being hurt by him a second time.

John said nothing, just stared at her. It had begun so great. Why was everything falling down now?

"I shouldn't have asked you to dance. That was stupid of me." Helen could see John reach out for her arm as a familiar voice called her name.

"Helen?" Robert asked confused. She turned around and saw him coming through the crowd, two glasses and a plate of food in hand. His usual soft smile had disappeared and he gave Helen a worried look.

"Who is this, darling? Someone I should know?" John didn't move. He didn't even look at the man who stood far too close to Helen for his liking. John only waited for what she'd answer, waited for his end.

"He's…he is one of the bodyguards…who is working here." The trembling of her voice and her turning her gaze to the ground made his mind ring in alarm. What had happened between the two of them? He had come just in time to see her pushing the stranger away from her.

"Why did you push him? Did he do something?" He looked at the other man whose face was as emotionless as it had been when he had first come over. Why wasn't he gone by now? If he did anything improper he was going to regret it. Robert moved to stand securely beside her. As he looked down he could see Helen clenching her wrists hard. What was going on here?

"Have you seen him before? I mean, do you know him?" Robert took her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Helen, I want an answer. Do you know him?"

"No," Helen answered without thinking. Still overwhelmed by emotions and feelings she wasn't capable to control yet she just didn't want to be questioned about John. It would screw everything up again. Helen just wanted to go and be alone.

Her answer hit John directly in his heart. He was so stupid. How could he think she'd have any feelings for him? Him, the killer, her nightmare, her enemy! She'd just played with him and he'd let her. Perhaps this man was even her boyfriend. If he didn't stop now he'd never survive the hurt which would follow after she let him alone again.

As Helen turned to look back at John to tell him she was sorry, he was gone, vanished into thin air. With wide open eyes she stared at the place where he'd stood only seconds before. Robert called her name twice but she didn't react. Helen just turned again and fought her way through the crowd toward the exit, leaving Robert and the other guests behind.

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><p>This was my first longer chapter and I'd be very happy if somebody leaves me a comment ;)<p> 


	4. Healing

**Author's note: **Thanks to my awesome beta Misery Loves Sarah! Hope you all will enjoy reading this as much as I did ^^**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sanctuary or any of the characters.

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><p>Helen laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling. Slowly, she began to understand how her words had sounded to him and she felt guilty. She hadn't meant to hurt him. Her emotions had just gotten the better of her. As she continued to stare her thoughts went back to the dance. Just thinking about it made her heart ache and wish their moment would have lasted forever.<p>

Even though this went against everything Helen had swore to herself she couldn't bring herself to regret it. She was still able to feel the presence of his body and the calmness spreading through her soul. It made her remember what it felt like to be unconditionally loved.

And it reminded her what it felt like to love somebody unconditionally...

Helen closed her eyes and tried desperately to convince herself of the rightness and necessity of her decision at the ball. But her determination was falling away. The battle between her mind and her heart had began anew. Images and moments from her time with him flooded her mind and woke a wave of emotions in her and eventually Helen couldn't deny it any longer, the evening had proven it clearly.

She still loved him.

In fact she'd never stopped. She'd just not wanted to admit it, had been too afraid of the consequences.

Perhaps it wasn't weak to need somebody. Perhaps it was just weak to deny it, to deny the feelings you feel towards that person.

Helen had always had reasons to fear him and see him as a threat, good reasons. The fact that he'd broken her heart and hurt her in the most painful way possible was one. Then he'd killed innocent women and played for the other side, their enemy. And he'd been a threat to Ashley, her only child. But now, even though, she knew this wasn't internally his fault she was still uncertain in her feelings for him.

Her thoughts drifting to Henry and Erika, Will and Abby and Robert and Jane she suddenly felt hollow like there was a hole in her stomach. Helen curled into a small ball and clasped her hands behind her knees. Her thoughts were lost in the past, a better time where she'd been happy and not alone. An innocent and strong woman who'd always had a smile one her lips. What had she become? When had she turned so cold? When had she begun shutting everyone out and distrusting every person she met? Eventually, silent tears began to roll down her cheeks as she cried herself into sleep.

Helen woke after the sun had already leaked into her hotel room. It was blinding. Blinking a few times, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. As she got used to the brightness Helen reached toward her clock to find out how long she'd slept.

She froze as she noticed it was after 9 a.m. Usually Helen never slept past 7 a.m., not even on her free days. Then she remembered last night and her hands clutched the sheets tight. After her emotional break down, she'd woken a few times more and had slept badly. Therefore it wasn't a surprise Helen hadn't been disturbed by the sunlight, her body had been far too exhausted.

Slowly, she got rid of her nightgown and made her way towards the bathroom. A few minutes later she came back and put on jeans and a blouse along with a fresh pair of socks. After tying her hair back in a ponytail Helen left her room to get something for breakfast. Maybe some food would help to fix the hole in her stomach.

Her day was full of things to do which she welcomed, it would distract her from last night. First Helen visited the Berlin Sanctuary to check in. Then she took a taxi to the Alexanderplatz where she met Robert again and he explained that he had tried to call her over ten times since she run from the ball. Helen knew she owed him an explanation, even though she'd never tell him the truth.

It was late afternoon when she finally entered the University library. Helen had planned on doing some research before she went home. She threw herself into the first three books about biology. Two books about physics and chemistry followed soon. More than two hours passed but no matter how much she read, how hard she tried to concentrate Helen couldn't stop her thoughts from drifting back to the fatal, yet so wonderful minutes and the inner conflict she'd had last night.

It wasn't that she hadn't thought about going to him before. In fact Helen had been considering it all day, but what frightened her was her reaction when she'd found him. She wouldn't be in control and that was what frightened her the most, the unknown.

After reading the same sentence for the at least eighth time Helen shut the book in resignation, her head dropped into her hands. This wasn't leading anywhere. She wouldn't be free until she saw him. Perhaps he'd already thrown himself into some dangerous mission where he hoped to find solace.

This thought instilled fear in her heart. It confused her. She may have realized her feelings for John but that didn't mean she understood them. Or, for that matter, how to deal with them. Shaking her head slightly, Helen put the books back in their places, grabbed her things and left.

Outside a cold breeze announced the coming of autumn and made her shiver. Helen hadn't expected the weather to turn colder. She wrapped her thin jacket tighter around her body and took out her phone, calling Robert in hope he could tell her the number of the security firm. And indeed, half an hour later Helen had talked to John's boss and even found a lie which convinced him to tell her John's address.

Now, she was waiting at the taxi station and thinking about what she'd actually tell him. A splash of water dropping on her face brought her back to reality and Helen noticed the rain falling from the now dark sky.

Finally a taxi picked her up and she welcomed the dry inside of the car. While the taxi drove through the city towards her destination Helen looked out the window and took in the buildings and people on the streets. With every minute, every mile they drove she grew more and more nervous. Restless Helen began to form the words she'd say in her mind, both thrilled and anxious to see him.

Eventually they passed the city limit and drove down a less crowded road. Helen had learned that John had been working as a bodyguard for four years. He had been right that such a job brought good money. John had even been able to buy a small house in a quiet village just a fifteen minute drive away from Berlin. This was where the taxi would bring her and Helen could only hope that she'd find him there.

It was strange, hearing that he'd lived the past four years like a common person, a normal man. That brought an idea into her mind. Could it be that their meeting last night had thrown his world upside down as well? Despite the fact, of course, that she had denied knowing him. Helen shook her head. He would have come to her if he'd really missed her. There wasn't really anything that could stop him from visiting her anyway.

The surroundings changed and they were suddenly driving through a small village. The car stopped and Helen found herself in front of a single story house and garage. She paid the driver and left the car, surprised that the rain had stopped. Helen continued to stand on the pavement, not knowing what to do with herself. She took a deep breath and tried to steady her raging heart. This was ridiculous, she would just apologize and then leave again.

Finally Helen made her way to the door, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She had almost reached the door as John rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw her, his face suddenly becoming hard. Helen who had gotten over the shock tried to speak but John beat her to it.

"Who told you where I could be found?" His tone, cold and angry, confused her. She didn't understand.

"Your boss. I told him it was important that I talk to you." Her voice was quiet but she was relieved that it showed nothing of the hurt his reaction had caused.

"Why? I thought you didn't know me, Helen." He asked, his words full of sarcasm. He looked her coldly and took a step towards her, raising his voice again. "Why seek me out then? Just go back to your boyfriend Robert. He seemed to be very obsessed with you!"

"Stop it!" She was now angry as well. How could he think this was all about him, that she didn't care about him? John just looked at her angrily, his eyes not showing the conflicted emotions that laid beneath. Helen spoke again, this time pain mixed with her anger.

"I only said that so Robert wouldn't ask any further. And he's not my boyfriend." She was now the one take a step forward. If he'd only understand.

"Yes, of course. It wouldn't be good for your image if everyone knows with whom you were dancing, right?" Every word he said was unmistakably meant to hurt her. And it worked, Helen could feel the tears filling her eyes. But John just continued, trying hard to not give in.

"With me who is a threat to everybody? The man who manages it to put everyone around him in danger? Come on, let us end it here, yes? You made it clear that you don't want me in your life. So why pretend?" He threw his arms in the air.

"I'm only here to make you understand I didn't meant what I said at the party. That I'm sorry." Tears were now slowly flowing down her cheeks. Why did his words cause so much pain?

"Why?" John had raised his voice again. He tried hard to ignore the tears on her face and instead focused on his desperation. "You let me die down in Hollow Earth. Why should you care about what happens to me now?"

"How dare you think I wouldn't care about you! We've known each other for over a century!" Helen reached for the last of her energy, not having any strength left to fight him. Not him, not this way. This was not what she'd thought would happen. But his outburst was nothing compared with what he said next, hurting her with only a few words. His voice didn't lose any of its anger or power.

"As you said we knew each other only briefly! And this was a very long time ago. Just go back to the Sanctuary. You don't know me anymore, maybe you never did!"

He turned his back to her. His shoulders were trembling, his breath raging and he clenched his fists hard to get his emotions under control. His last words had cut Helen deep. Tears were making their way down her face and she did her best to talk to him, desperately seeking an escape from this nightmare.

"Why did you talk to me at the party then?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper at first, but it became steadier with every word she spoke. Desperately she tried to make him turn, make him see.

"Why did you talk to me if you think we don't know each other anymore? Why did you dance with me? Why did you care about me if – "

She couldn't finish her sentence before he turned abruptly and smashed his lips against hers, trying desperately to find a reaction which would show him he wasn't alone with his feelings. He wouldn't endure it to be rejected a second time, he wouldn't stand the pain and loneliness which would follow. And if she'd turn him down he'd have tried and at the very least felt her lips one more time.

Helen hadn't expected what came next. His lips were tender and pressed soft against her own. A wonderful warmth spread through her body and made her heart flutter in her chest. As his hand made his way up to stroke her cheek lightly Helen closed her eyes. She could feel John waiting anxiously for a response and she made up her mind.

John could feel his heart beating faster as he felt her soft lips responding. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He had kept himself from going to her again, yet there had never been a second where John hadn't wished to be near her. He was addicted to her touch, to her smile. Never had he imagined that he would ever be able to kiss her again.

Helen raised her arms slowly and crossed them behind his neck, bringing him impossibly closer to her. She could feel the pain in her subside. Just by touching his lips to hers and pressing his body against hers, John was able to heal the scars in her heart. Helen opened her mouth and their tongues began dueling. He tasted exact like he had back in London.

John buried his right hand in her soft curls. The other was still around her waist, holding her upright. They didn't act out of lust, out of dark desire, but out of love. They needed to let the other heal their own broken hearts and make the painful memories fade.

The sudden feeling of rain on his face had John pulling Helen through the door into the house, not parting their kiss once. Helen's hand dropped from around his neck and slipped under his shirt, she enjoyed the feeling of his skin against hers. John did the same and traced small patterns on her back. When they reached the bedroom they eventually got rid of the unnecessary clothing and it wasn't long until both stood in nothing but their underwear. Slowly, John lowered Helen onto the bed, kissing her again.

Every time they touched the pain receded, and their souls healed a little more. Even after such a long time, after more than a century of hate and sorrow, they still couldn't work without one another. Maybe this was what it was like to have a soul mate. One who formed the perfect counterpart to yourself, who'd be everything you need to survive. A person you could lean on and trust. No matter what.

Maybe this was what it was like to be unconditionally loved and love somebody unconditionally. For all eternity.

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><p>Like it? Hate it? Please, tell me what you guys think :)<p> 


	5. Talking

Again, thanks to my beta Misery Loves Sarah for looking over the chapter, even though she was very busy!  
>You see, no matter how hard I try, I never get to write a really long chapter. And I really, really tried but I didn't made it over 2,500 words...<br>To all who do this easily: I admire you!

Enjoy ^^

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><p>Helen woke to the warmth of a strong body pressed against hers. Long arms were wrapped around her curled form, shielding her from the rest of the world. She didn't dare move her upper body but instead traced her hand lightly over John's chest. He was smooth and warm, everything Helen needed right now. This comfort and protection were what she had missed the most all those years. Just for once not being the one to protect, to save and to comfort, to decide, to order and to renounce.<p>

Slowly, Helen closed her eyes again. She pressed her forehead against John's chest and listened to his steady heartbeat. Being with him made everything seem so peaceful and easy. Just by watching and being near him, she could feel love flooding her heart, warming her body and dulling her mind. How much she'd missed this feeling. The noise of his deep breaths lulled her back into repose and dulled her mind.

But Helen Magnus wouldn't be Helen Magnus if one tiny part of her mind wouldn't analyze the last night. She wanted to ignore it but it kept her successfully from sleep. Helen wanted to stay in John's arms, to not leave the warmth but it drained her thoughts and made it hard to think clearly. Eventually she slipped out of bed while trying not to wake him.

Helen sat on the side of the bed for a while and took in John's peaceful features. His right hand was now rested over his chest. His face bearing no anger or hurt, he looked rather happy and calm. Dark strands of hair, almost long enough to reach his closed eyes, spilled all over the pillow. For a short moment she thought about slipping into his arms again but she remained still.

Finally Helen turned her gaze away from him and rose from the bed. She spotted John's long, white shirt and decided to put it on. It smelled like him and she wasn't fully without his calming presence. The white fabric went to her knees and kept her rather warm. After glancing back at John one more time Helen left the bedroom and went to clear her thoughts.

John woke to the missing warmth of a body beside him. Disappointment flooded his mind before he'd even opened his eyes. What had he expected? He pushed his hair off his forehead and sat straight up in bed. Looking around the room John saw Helen's clothes still lying on the floor. Hope filled his heart as he grabbed his jeans and found his shirt missing. Maybe she hadn't run away from him as fast as she could. He put on his pants and went looking for her.

Helen stood on the small terrace at the back of the house her arms wrapped around her. It wasn't that it was cold. In fact it was much warmer than last night and the entire past week. The sun warmed everything in it's light, making it seem like it was mid-August instead of mid-September. The sky was clear blue and birds were singing in the trees nearby.

But Helen didn't notice any of it. Her gaze was far away as were her thoughts. She was confused by the tangle of emotions; feelings she hadn't experienced in a very long time. There was an unexpected uncertainty to what she should do now. On one side Helen knew she had duties, things that had to be done. The Sanctuary needed a leader who was aware of all the responsibilities lying on her shoulders.

But she was so tired of being alone and isolated. She wanted to be free, to feel the comfort and safety of having a man, having John by her side. To be honest that thought scared her a bit. How could she, after all he'd done, still crave and love him like no other? Maybe, just maybe this was their second chance together. Now, when all fights were fought and the storm had died down, Helen desired to have a solid and familiar person in her life.

She closed her eyes as a warm breeze washed over her face and lost herself in her thoughts again. On the edge of her consciousness she could feel a presence step through the door of the terrace but she didn't show any reaction. Instead Helen started to think about what she to do next.

John smiled lightly as he finally found Helen standing on the terrace. She was wearing his shirt and had her back to him, her arms wrapped around herself. Though he wasn't able to see her face he could tell she was lost in thoughts. Unsure of what to do with himself he remained where he was and continued to watch her.

Whatever decision Helen made, John wouldn't argue. Of course he hoped she would stay with him or at least not throw him out of her life, but if she told him to leave her alone he would. What he'd do afterwards was another matter though. There would be nothing left that tied him to this life then. But she didn't have to ever know this.

He hesitantly took a step forward, trying to make her turn around. "Helen..." His voice was soft. But she didn't turn and he didn't have the courage to go to her. Even though he'd touched and discovered ever spot of her body again last night he still didn't know what was going on in her head.

He made a last attempt at getting her to respond. "I can make breakfast... if you want to eat something..." But again Helen didn't react and John let his shoulders fall in resignation. He could not stand the silence any longer and instead turned to go make some breakfast.

Helen had heard him but feared to face him. She needed to think this over and seeing him wouldn't have made it any easier. So, she'd not said anything and left him to his thoughts. The hurt in his voice almost changed her mind, but she'd shut it out. Finally, Helen had heard John leave to make breakfast.

She inhaled a deep breath and let the fresh air fill her lungs. After standing at the terrace for good half an hour Helen had come to a decision . She let the warm wind wash over her face again and it took away even the last of her doubts. Eventually she opened her eyes, blinking against the sudden brightness. She then turned and made her way back into the house.

John had set the small kitchen table as best as he could and was about to cut up fruit when Helen enter. She stood in the doorway and watched him as he continued. The silence got heavier as she slowly approached the table while he placed the plate of fruit on it. Noticing that he'd forgotten the rolls John turned to the oven and got them out. He was relieved that she was willing to eat with him. It meant there was hope.

Helen sat down and watched John's bare back as he handled the oven. She quickly stared at her plate as he rose and walked towards her. He sat down in the opposite chair and handed her one of the rolls. She hesitantly took it and they began to eat in silence. Helen didn't know how to begin and so she kept her eyes locked on the table.

John, who couldn't endure the silence any longer, was the first to speak. "Do you want tea? I've just made a fresh pot..." But instead of responding, Helen just looked at him and nodded. John rose from his chair and went to get the teapot. He made sure that she couldn't see how much her silence hurt him.

Helen knew it wasn't fair to let him suffer, but it was hard to find the right words. She watched him take a deep breath before he turned to face her again, teapot in hand. John tried not to look at her while he poured her a cup of tea and sat down again. Helen recognized the sadness in his eyes she reached over the table and took his right hand in her left. He searched her eyes, surprised, and a hint of a smile crossed her face. Helen looked down at their hands and slowly raised them to lace her fingers with his.

John closed his eyes at the contact of her hands. He could feel Helen lace her fingers with his and the warmth of her hand soothed him and settled his mind. This was a good sign but he'd have to wait for her to reveal her final decision. He opened his eyes again and saw her smiling lightly. John followed her gaze and looked at their joined hands while he waited for her to speak.

Helen fumbled with his fingers nervously, before she finally spoke for the first time this morning. "I've thought very thoroughly about last night..." She chose her words carefully, hesitating as she tried to find the best way to present herself. "And I've come to a decision."

Helen could hear John take a sharp breath at her words. She raised her head and found him staring at their hands. The hope in his eyes gave her the courage she needed to tell him of her choice. She stroked his hand lightly but as he didn't look up Helen riveted her eyes to his blue orbs and spoke again.

"I don't want to lose you."

Her words had only been a whisper, but he'd heard them nonetheless. John looked up from their laced hands and locked his gaze with hers. When he'd finally processed her words his heart swelled with relief and happiness.

Helen saw the surprise on his face and felt the need to speak further. "Last night showed me that I'm still yours, that I always was and always will be. No matter what deep wounds and scars you left in my heart, you made them disappear."

She smiled at him, not an ironic smirk or fake grin, but one that reached her eyes and made them twinkle. She hadn't smiled like that in a very long time.

"I've tried to hate you, to make you responsible for all the pain I felt..." Helen shook her head slightly, her thoughts drifting further. "All those years I denied my feelings for you, afraid you would break my heart again, afraid of the consequences. But I want to be with you, I want to give us a second chance..."

John couldn't believe what she'd just said. It was more than he could have ever hoped for. He wondered if he was dreaming, but Helen sat opposite him, holding his hand while she gave him a loving smile. He squeezed her hand in return, convinced now, that she was really there. Helen looked at him expectantly and he knew it was his turn to speak now.

"You know how I feel. I would love nothing more than to be with you..." He returned her smile, his eyes never leaving hers. He would do anything to be with her but the question was what would happen to his current life?

"What will happen to me?" He knew she wouldn't give up her Sanctuary and he wouldn't expect it of her.

Helen had thought about that before. John had built himself a life in Germany, one she would be excited to share but she couldn't leave the Sanctuary on it's own. "I know you found a life here, but would you come with me?"

John thought about it for a moment, but it wasn't necessary. His decision was already made. "If you would have me, I would be happy to go with you." He would have to sell his house and quit his job, but he didn't bother thinking about it at the moment. Helen was with him and that was all that mattered right now.

They continued to talk while they ate their breakfast, an air of contentment settled on them. It seemed like fate had really given them a second chance. They decided to slowly renew their relationship, taking one step after another. They had time now and Helen didn't want to rush anything.

She would talk to Will. John could work at the Sanctuary and help her when Henry and Will were gone. The thought of him being near her constantly lightened her heart and for the first time since Ashley's death Helen felt something like hope. She wouldn't have to be lonely anymore. Everything would turn out right.

Helen smiled happily to herself, her hand still linked with John's.

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><p>I really hope the end wasn't happening to fast. I didn't want to change it and so let it be the way it was.<br>I'd love hearing what you guys think :)


	6. Working

Forgive me that it took me so long to come up with a new chapter :| Although I know where this story is going and I have a plan formed in my mind it's not easy to fill the gaps. Hope you'll enjoy it though :)

As always, thanks to Misery Loves Sarah who read it first and corrected all the mistakes I made!

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><p>Sighing, Helen looked up from the microscope and tipped the resolution in the laptop next to her. This wasn't good. If the virus kept spreading at this rate, death would come in less than three days. Two abnormals had already died. It was unacceptable, but nothing Helen tried showed any signs of success.<p>

She massaged her temples where a headache had formed. When that didn't help she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands.

"Any progress?" A man asked from behind her. John had noticed her discomfort and forgotten his work to come check on her.

"No..." She sighed and moved her hands from her face, lacing them, she laid her chin on top. Three days without sleep had finally caught up and she was unbearably tired, so tired that she felt as if she could sleep for a whole day.

John knew she hadn't slept and neither had he. They had spent almost all their time in the lab, trying to figure out what was making the abnormals sick. One week ago, one of the residents had suddenly shown signs of a serious disease and others quickly deteriorated. Soon after that the first had died.

John encircled her from behind and laid his head on her shoulder. "Then let's gather the facts. What have are we certain of?"

Helen rested her head on his shoulder and inhaled deeply. "It doesn't affect every abnormal but the ones that have a specific and rare gene. The others seem to be resistant. Only seven abnormals in residence had this gene and now we have to find a cure for the five who are still alive."

"But it's a good thing there aren't more of them, isn't it? Just imagine what would happen if this virus was more widespread!" After all they were lucky, it could have been worse.

"I know. It's just so frustrating to be clueless. I'm helpless and it seems there's nothing I can do about it. They just die under my hands!" Helen groaned in resignation and closed her eyes. John's chest was warm and she was so exhausted sleep threatened to claim her.

"But I don't think working yourself to exhaustion will do any good. And I'm sure after you've caught some sleep you'll find something to stop this." John smiled as he looked down at Helen and found her eyes closed. He stroke her arms encouragingly and waited for her to get up.

Helen sighed sleepily and rose from her seat. "Maybe you're right. I can't focus on my work anymore and this headache doesn't want to go away. " Still with his arms around her waist she turned to face him.

"But there is one condition." Helen smiled and laid her hands on his chest. "You have been awake as long as I have and as far as I know you need sleep like any other living being."

John pretended to think about it while drawing her closer to him. "Hmm, I think this is acceptable." He loosened his grip around her waist and dragged her to the door. He didn't feel the need to use his ability; they could as easily walk to their quarters.

After a few minutes the two of them reached the door of Helen's room and John stopped. He had his own room down the hall and wouldn't enter Helen's until she allowed him. They had agreed on taking things slowly and so they did.

Helen turned to him and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on his lips. She then walked to the door, not without flashing one last smile at him. "Good night, John."

"Good night, Helen."

After Helen had disappeared he walked to his own door and entered the room. Only two weeks had past since they had met again. Helen had convinced Will and the other Sanctuary heads of house that he wasn't a threat to anyone.

The electrical energy running through his body down in Hollow Earth, when he'd made sure Helen could follow Adam, had done its job. The energy elemental hadn't shown up since then and his thoughts were his alone again.

Helen had given him a room and shown him every part of the house. Will had left after a week and Henry had followed two days later. John was sure they had stayed longer than planned just to keep an eye on him. The illness that had spread among the abnormals had also made them hesitant to go, but Helen had assured them she could handle it.

They had now been alone for four days and worked day and night to find a treatment. Kate was still in Hollow Earth and had built a life together with Garris. The Big Guy had left again to help the Hollow Earth abnormals rebuild their home and would come back in a week. He wondered what Helen would have done if he hadn't been at the Sanctuary to help her. Perhaps she'd have called someone from one of the other houses.

It also didn't appear to be a problem that John hadn't any skills. He was good in hunting abnormals and working undercover but wasn't an expert in technique, medicine or psychology. It seemed to be enough to work though. Helen had taught him some things about biology while they had been exploring the virus and he still remembered the basic things he'd learnt at Oxford. Therefore his presence hadn't been as worthless as he'd feared.

After he'd pulled his shirt over his head and left it together with his other clothes on a chair John made his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later he turned off the light and made himself comfortable in the bed. Now with the warmth of the blankets surrounding him, he could feel how tired he really was and that Helen had been right. A smile crossed his face at the thought of her and he soon drifted off to sleep.

Helen closed the door behind her and went to change into her nightgown. It still felt a bit unreal after two weeks to be with John. Helen sat down on her bed and looked out the window. The night was clear and the moon and the stars made it seem unusually bright out. To have the sane John, her John back was something she'd dreamt of and now it felt like this. A dream.

Though things at the Sanctuary were far from perfect right now, unexpected happiness spread through her and a giggle escaped her mouth. She bit her lip but couldn't prevent a wide smile from escaping to the surface. She laid down and covered herself in the blankets.

This second chance they had gotten was a gift. It made the pain and sorrow of their past lives endurable and less dramatic. When John was around Helen felt at ease. Now, when she'd excepted her feelings to mixed, she couldn't remember why this should be wrong.

Helen needed time though. Time in which she could grow to completely trust John again. Time where she'd get to know him and he'd get to know her fully. Time to renew their relationship. So, they'd maintained a level of distance for the beginning and not gone any further than kissing. Helen was still a bit uncomfortable to let anyone too near.

But, time was something they had enough of. And for the first time in over two hundred years Helen was excited to see what the future would bring her. No matter what would happen, there was someone she could lean on and trust with her worries, even if they were ridiculous.

Helen closed her eyes and drifted into sleep. In a few hours both of them would be up again to find a treatment and she was sure that somehow they'd solve this problem.

They had all the time they needed.  
>The future was theirs.<p>

Or so she thought...

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><p>PLEASE, please, please! Leave me a comment!<p> 


	7. Resting

**Thanks to Misery Loves Sarah, who despite her lack of time beta-read for me again.  
>I own absolutely nothing!<strong>

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><p>Helen slowly laid the rest of the papers inside the file before closing it with an absent look on her face. She then took it in one hand, rose from her office chair and went to the shelves containing the files and reports of missions and incidents that happened at the Old City Sanctuary in the past ten years. There were a lot, for such a short span. Soon, she'd have to start a new one.<p>

She let her right index finger dance across the shelves, over files of diseases and accidents long solved and forgotten, until she found the spot she was looking for. She tossed the file into it and laid both hands onto the old wooden shelf, her gaze focused at a point far away and only visible to her.

Helen Magnus had lost the battle once again, the battle against death.

More than two weeks had past now since the first abnormal had died because of the virus. The seventh and last had followed two days ago. Despite her attempt to stop it, to find a cure soon enough, she had failed miserably. That knowledge tore at her and made her sick to her stomach.

Helen let her gaze wander over the shelves and closed her eyes, her face hard and unreadable. God knows how many deaths of abnormals were listed inside these files, how many had died under her charge. She couldn't stop the sudden wave of sadness and resignation from swallowing her up. She'd already buried her doubts far too long inside her.

"You should really stop blaming yourself," a voice said from behind her. Helen shook her head in desperation, her eyes still tightly closed.

"If I had tried harder the Sanctuary wouldn't be missing seven residents now," she replied quietly.

"You did everything you could, Helen." John took a step towards the shelf, he couldn't endure seeing Helen in pain, doubting herself. She wasn't responsible for any of this.

"You worked day and night, practically slept in the main lab! You tried your best to develop a treatment..."

"But it wasn't enough!" Helen choked out, interrupting his trail of words.

Crossing the distance between them, John just continued. "None of this is your fault, Helen." He now stood right behind, her back turned to him. "Sometimes even the best isn't enough and blaming yourself will not change what happened."

"I know...," came the weak reply from Helen. She was worn out, tired and emotional at a breaking point. Even though she'd dealt with a lot of pressure and disappointment in her life, the past weeks had taken their toll.

"I can't stop myself from thinking about what could have been." Tears were slowly filling her eyes, a flood of deep sadness in her heart, bubbling to the surface. "I can't help but wonder what I could have changed..." Her voice finally broke. It didn't matter to her that the tears were streaming down her face and the man behind her, the man Helen had a lot of good reasons to mistrust, could see it.

John was stunned by Helen's reaction. And he realized she wasn't only referring to the death of the seven abnormals. Intending to help her as much as he could he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. "The past can't be changed, Helen. It shouldn't be changed, it's meant to be as it is."

"But if I'd have known, if I wouldn't have been so naive and blind..." She shook her head again and raised her gaze to meet his, her eyes watery and full of sadness. "So many people wouldn't have died."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Helen." John said, touching her cheek with his thumb and brushing away the tears.

"So many of my friends, of my colleagues. It's all my fault. And James and Ashley..." Helen's voice broke again and John took her in his arms, moving his right hand soothingly over her back while Helen began to sob into the front of his shirt.

"I could have saved you..." Her voice was so quiet he almost didn't hear her. But he had and the fact that she felt responsible for what had happened to him wasn't right. There was no way she could have prevented it.

"It just happened, Helen. You couldn't know and you couldn't have helped me. It was my own choice to take the blood and I have to deal with the consequences." He argued, his hand stroking her hair softly.

"But-" Helen tried to object, but John put one hand under her chin and lifted her head so she would met his gaze.

"No, Helen. It was my own fault and nobody else's. Things like this happen, it's the course of life. People die and are born, some get ill and others never do. We can't prevent it and we definitely can't influence it." He was convinced that Helen couldn't have helped him when he became the Ripper. He'd have refused her or worse, murdered her.

"Perhaps the past century was torture for me, but it's worth everything just to be with you now," he whispered and kissed her temple lightly.

Helen closed her eyes at the feeling of his soft lips and laid her head back at his shoulder. She felt dizzy and so very tired. John's words had taken some of the weight off her shoulders and sleep was threatening to overwhelm her. Not strong enough to fight, she slowly gave in to her exhaustion.

John could feel Helen drift away. Her breathing had slowed down and become even, her face had taken on a relaxed expression. Doing his best not to disturb her he picked her up and carried her to the sofa of her office.

Laying her down and grabbing a blanket to keep her warm he couldn't stop worried thoughts from bothering him. Normally, Helen wasn't this sensitive and vulnerable. He tried to convince himself that it had been the past weeks which had sapped her strength, but she experienced situations like this often and surely didn't react this way every time.  
>Yesterday, 4:02pm<p>

Perhaps he should talk to her about it. They had to talk anyway, since there hadn't been much time lately. He should give her a chance to rest though, so he'd let her sleep.

Watching her peaceful face he wondered when she had last eaten. She might be two centuries old and an abnormal who seemed to be able to live with less food than others but she was still a human being and had to eat once in a while. He remembered seeing Biggie preparing something for breakfast and bringing it to her, but Helen being Helen, she probably hadn't touched it at all.

A look at the clock told him it was now almost seven in the evening and he decided he should make Helen some tea. Maybe he'd get her to eat something, too. At least he could try.

As Helen woke the light of the day had vanished completely and instead the subdued glow of the city was filling the room with it's soft light. Blinking a few times, Helen sat up and looked around in confusion. It took her some seconds before she recalled what had happened.

She looked around the room a second time but instead of John she found a tray on the table beside the couch. On it was a teacup which still seemed to be warm as well as a sandwich. Smiling Helen sipped at the tea before she got to the sandwich. Though she wasn't really hungry it would be good to have something to fill her very empty stomach.

After finishing her small meal she rose from the sofa and went down to the kitchen. Helen set the tray on the counter and began cleaning the cup. There was no need in using the dishwasher when she could just as well do it herself. As she turned around again to take the plate a male hand beat her to it. Smiling warmly John cleaned it for her while Helen put away the dry tableware.

"I'm so very proud of you, you know?" John said in a teasing voice.

Helen looked at him with confusion, the question written on her face. "Why is that?" As far as she knew, breaking out into tears and then sleeping for two hours wasn't a reason to be proud of someone.

"You managed to eat a whole sandwich without somebody practically begging you to do it." John grinned at her in amusement and in return earned himself a playful jab in the stomach.

"I'm really disappointed that you make fun of my eating habits." Helen responded, hands on her hips. Her tone was serious but the smile on her face betrayed her. "Maybe I should punish you through inviting Nikola to my or your next birthday, and telling him he can stay as long as he wants to. What would you make of that?"

The horrified look on John's face made her laugh. It was obvious that, even after all those years, John and Nikola kept disliking each other in the worst way possible. Still smiling, Helen leaned into John and kissed him softly. She wasn't quite sure how, but he'd managed to turn this day into a better one just by making her laugh.

John let his hands sneak around her thighs before he pulled back to fill his lungs with needed air. It felt good to have her in his arms again. They had been so engrossed in their work that they hadn't had time for themselves, something they would have to remedy.

John took the opportunity to do something he new realized was long overdue. "And to ensure you eat properly I would like to take you out. What do you think? Does the lady have time to spend an evening with her subordinate man?"

Helen's face lit up in excitement. "I'd love to."

"That's settled then." He thought for a moment before proceeding. "What do you make of, perhaps, tomorrow?"

Helen mentally went through the next day before deciding she indeed had time. After all they'd just survived three eventful weeks. "Sounds perfect," she informed John.

He smiled at her happily. "Tomorrow it is."

Just in this moment, Biggie entered the kitchen and disturbed their private little world. He was panting slightly and obviously had no good news. John and Helen, who had been startled by his sudden appearance, had both taken a step apart from each other and were now waiting for him to speak.

"It's Declan," Biggie said in his deep voice. "He's just called from London. Said it was an emergency and he needs you as fast as possible."

"What, now?" The concern in Helen's voice was unmistakable. She first looked at John regretfully before turning her attention back to Biggie.

"He said it was urgent," he explained patiently. "You didn't answer your phone so I was forced to go in search of you."

Helen reached with one hand into the right pocket of her pants but found nothing. She realized she'd left her phone in her office along with her gun.

"Alright." She turned to John and signaled him he should follow Biggie. "You two go down to the lab and contact Declan while I make a quick stop in my office.. I'll join you in the lab."

With this, Helen was gone and John followed Biggie out of the kitchen and down the floor to the elevator.

'Great!' John thought resigned. 'Just great. Now the chance that we'll be going out tomorrow or in the next week has sunk to almost zero.'


	8. Preparing

**Sorry, it's been a while since the last update. Thanks to cabinet of curiosities for correcting instead of Misery Loves Sarah, who didn't have the time! Actually I had this chapter ready for five days but because of some reason I wasn't able to upload it...**

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><p>Helen burst into her office and immediately reached for the edge of her wooden desk, seeking out halt to catch her breath. As soon as her heart rate had died down a bit she went in search for her phone and her gun. She saw latter laying untouched on the small table next to the couch, but no sign of her phone.<p>

While thinking were she could have possibly put it Helen crossed the space between her desk and the table and grabbed her gun. After attaching the weapon to her belt she began searching thoroughly. She observed the spot where she'd been laying, looked under the table and unfolded the blanket that had kept her warm. But in vain, she found nothing.

She let out a frustrated huff and got down on her knees to look under the couch. On arm stretched out she reached forward and felt with her hand for her phone. Unfortunately, the fact that she couldn't see anything made it hard to coordinate her movements. Obeying to her fate, Helen sank down to lay flat on her stomach and searched the floor for the small communication devise.

Just in this instant, something somewhere above her started vibrating and making loud noises. Helen, startled by the sudden interruption of the silence, tried to set upright and hit her head at the edge of the couch with a loud bang.

Pain flooded through her system and she cursed loudly, crawling out from under the couch. Hectically Helen tried to locate the sound while pressing a hand to the back of her head where the pain had erupted. Finally she grabbed the pillow of the armchair next to the couch and found what she'd been looking for.

The phone had stopped ringing and Helen didn't bother to find out who'd been calling her. Instead she tossed the pillow back and left her office to make her way quickly to the lab where the Biggie and John would already be waiting impatiently.

~oOo~

Again a bit out of breath, Helen joined the others in the main lab, where one of the huge screens was already running. On it was the image of Declan who was obviously talking to someone else who wasn't visible at the screen.

As John saw her approaching he raised on eyebrow questioningly. In response, Helen held up her phone triumphantly and pointed with her free hand to her gun. Declan, who had seemed to notice her as well turned his attention back to the trio.

"Took you long enough," he remarked nervously.

"Sorry," Helen replied apologetically. "But my phone had decided to dislike me and turned out to be good at hiding."

The humorous remark wasn't able do lighten the heavy mood in the room. Realizing that something really bad had happened, Helen expression went serious while she prepared herself for the worst.

"We've bad news, Magnus," Declan informed her guiltily. "I'm aware of the fact that we should have noticed earlier and been better prepared. And it's all my fault, there's no one else to blame but me. What happened..." He paused for a moment, uncertain. "It shouldn't even have been possible, but-"

"Declan!" Helen interrupted him impatiently. "Just tell me what happened."

"A few abnormals are...gone," he admitted, turning his gaze away from her so he didn't have to look at her. It was his first time that one of the higher security abnormals had disappeared under his leading without a clue and any trace.

Helen raised one eyebrow and looked at him perplexed. "What do you mean, _gone_?"

"I don't know how, but they somehow managed to leave the Sanctuary without anyone noticing. No alarm went off and they even escaped the radar of the security cameras. Don't ask me how they did that, 'cause I've not the slightest idea." He felt like a bloody amateur and there was nothing he could do.

Helen's alarm went off as she processed the news. "What abnormals? Are they dangerous, were they locked away or something?"

"They're five," Declan paused, trying to remember the details. "Two catoris enrexi, one atari sopiae and two fugaris amaris, male and female. They were all five locked in cells with higher security because of their aggressive nature."

That was definitely not good. If they couldn't find and get them back soon, a lot of people would be in danger. Helen closed her eyes briefly and exhaled slowly, trying to figure out what to do next. "Assemble teams to search the surroundings of the Sanctuary systematically, but instruct someone to find out how they managed to escape this easily," she ordered Declan. "We don't want to risk followers."

Realizing they wouldn't make it alone, Helen turned to Biggie who'd been listening carefully. "They'll require help. Call Will and tell him to be ready to return if necessary, I'll go and pack the stuff we need. We'll meet again in 40 minutes to leave for London."

Biggie nodded in agreement and went off to make the call. Declan had already left to coordinate the search and prepare everything for their visit. The only one left now was John, who'd hadn't said a word let alone moved since Declan had spilled the news. Now, he caught Helen's gaze and looked at her seriously. "Let me come with you."

"I'm afraid that's not possible, John. Someone needs to be here if anything goes wrong." Helen said and sighed regretfully. She would like nothing more than take him along with her.

"But I could be of valuable use," John objected. "And I doubt the other heads of the Sanctuarys would agree to leave me in charge of this place. Even you must admit you don't feel comfortable about that."

Sadly, Helen knew he was right. He hadn't gained enough experience yet and he also had a point about the other heads not trusting him. But she could let the Big Guy stay here, either. They'd need every person they could get to get on top of this problem. Nodding, Helen agreed to his proposal. "You're right. I'll get someone else to look over the Sanctuary. You get you're things, we're going to London after all."

She smiled lightly and John couldn't help but return her smile. No matter what the circumstances were, there was still a reason to be excited about their visit. It had been some time since they'd both been in their beloved city.

~oOo~

Helen looked down at the things spread all over her bed and checked if she'd forgotten something important. Deciding everything was there, she put it into her bag and examined her room, again trying to figure out where she had dropped her phone.

This time she found it very fast and uncomplicated, compared to the first time. Grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder, she went to her opened closet. Just as she got a hold on it, the damn thing started ringing again. Before Helen had time to look at the screen or even take the call, a voice stopped her.

"Helen, are you ready?" John appeared in the door and looked at her questioningly.

Helen decided the call could wait and ended it before even looking. She moved her bag to a more comfortable position over her shoulder before she replied "I'm coming" and left her room, walking past John with a smile.

Later, Helen would curse herself for not answering her phone. It would have spared them a lot of work and trouble.

* * *

><p>Now we're getting to the story :D<br>Would like to hear what you guys think !


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